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March 23, 2006.

Coping With Loss

Since my grandmother passed away, I've felt adrift on some ocean current with no hope of hitting land before my food supply runs out.

This month Anna and I have been purchasing a house. It comes at a great time since my family home is hitting the market in Dallas and I need a new sense of permanence in my life. It's difficult to give up the roots of my childhood, but realistically I know I'll never live in Dallas again for any length of time. Dallas is a chain laden Republican stronghold with concrete as far as the imagination can drift. There's not a beach, mountain or wood within a days ride; if you can tolerate big D, you are a city person. My days of being a dedicated weekend warrior ended the day I moved out of Dallas and found out that you could visit nature every day instead of once a month.

With my grandmother gone, I thought there might be some hope of my family moving out of Dallas, but I know how hopeless that battle is now. The older you get the harder it becomes to leave a place you know even when there is nothing tying you down.

So I feel like an island, alone on the open water. There's no other place I'd rather be; Anna and I are doing fine, I love my job, I just wish that my friends here or move someplace that I would move to be with them. One relationship ending makes me long even more for all the others.

There's a band called the Old Crow Medicine Show (check it out) and they do a rather sad song about loss, called Wagon Wheel. I think all the grandkids will agree with me when I wish to have my granny back in her rocking chair.

Rock me momma like a wagon wheel
Rock me momma any way you feel
Heeeeeeey momma rock me
Rock me momma like the wind and the rain
Rock me momma like a southbound train
Heeeeeeey momma rock me

I'm getting on a southbound train in one week and maybe spending the whole summer down south. It's a shame to miss an Ithaca summer, but I look forward to being back in town with Dan and Jerry, and my family. Plus I'll be a short drive from the Crowders, Raymonds, Amranis, and Andrew might even visit his folks some time. I'd endure the heat for all that.